Where have I been, and will I return?

While I meant the subject of this entry to pertain to my presence on this blog, I stopped and thought about the question from a mental point of view. Where have I been? Where am I now? And will I ever return to where I was before?

I think not.

Now on to the reason I have been horribly neglecting my blog. It's because I am writing a book on being here. As of right now I have 150 typed single-spaced pages. :) Anything that I would normally have posted here is going into the book, so I haven't been on here at all recently.

Will I be back? Probably not much. I think there might be a couple sporadic entries between now and when I return in July, but don't count on a lot. One that has a good chance on making it here is a paper that I am writing on brazilian men (and women, but it focuses on men) and how they act in relationships, in marriages, how they feel about fidelity and the emotional/physical substance of a relationship... and a lot more. I am finally starting to crack open the brazilian mind when it comes to this stuff and it is so completely different from the American point of view that I will probably post it here.

Spellcheck is extremely upset with me right now because my internet's default language is português, so I'll appease it with a quote that I'll be talking about in my essay.

"Deus é fiel." God is faithful. No próximo, vou falar sobre esse frase que existe nas janelas dos carros e permanente nos corpos. Minha amiga, Xannon, ache que no Brasil, só Deus é fiel. Isso é verdade? Vamos ver!

Até mais,
Madi

This morning

So Carnaval is now over.
I got home at 9 am this morning. I took a shower and gazed amusedly at the floor of the bathroom. Glitter was everywhere. When I got out there were still traces of green face paint around my hairline. I smiled looking at my reflection and wondered if people were really capable of glowing, because I sure felt and looked like I was. I went to my room, shook some excess sand off of my sheets and dodged the many bottles of body paint scattered around my room as I opened up the doors to my veranda.
A perfect blue sky.

Changed.

This week I came to the full realization that I am not the same person who came here 6 months ago. Not at all. And I never, ever will be the same again.

And I am completely and utterly thrilled with this.

Eu Voltei!!!

I am back! For good this time!

I was without internet at my apartment for 2 months. But now I have it. Lucky us. =)

So before I begin my culture discussions, I am sure you are probably a little curious about what has gone in my life recently. Well, I will tell you straight up- and I like my coffee black so don't expect a sugar-coated summary.

-I lived in the ghetto- no, seriously, I lived in the ghetto, for half of a month and I was alone most of the time (unless you count the cockroaches) because my roommates either moved out or were traveling, unable to cook food, without chairs, couches... the only thing I had was four walls and an air mattress... oh and that man who walks around at 7 in the morning yelling, "OKAYYYYYYYYYY". There was music blasting from my neighbor's at all hours (either American pop music or Northeastern Brazilian music like Calypso, though on Friday nights there would be a television set up in the street playing Funk Carioca music). It was so humid I had a package of Oreos that turned into mush within two days. The place smelled of mold and I woke up with a sore throat every morning. There was no mirror in the place so I used my tiny makeup compact mirror to get ready when I went out at night. There were so many stairs leading up to my apartment that I was sore the entire first week I lived there. The good news? The guy at the internet place had a crush on me so I got free internet a lot of the time. However, he would always send me administrator messages asking me to kiss him. Awkwardddd. But it was a cool, if not entirely depressing, experience and I am glad for it. I now know that someone can be happy without anything, literally.

Let`s see... What else. Let's mention something wonderful that happened to me.

-I fell head over heels in love with the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. Yes, I know, that is pretty high praise. If I had dreamed a "perfect" man, he would have fallen short of this guy. The name is Guilherme. Brazilian. I have never met anybody more my type- lindissimo (the handsomest, seriously), kind, interesting, has super cool nice friends, creative, intelligent, sweet, and COMPLETELY FUCKING CRAZY.

Which leads us to the next update in my life.
-He broke my heart. Shattered is more like it. I didn't eat for days. Why did he leave me? Because he is crazy. No. Really. Or he has severe depression problems. I haven't quite figured it out. When we were together it was the happiest time of my life, hands down, so I don't regret a thing even though he turned out to have issues, but damn. Sucks to meet Mr. Right and then realize that Mr. Right is a crazy. But it figures, let's admit it, my Mr. Right would be completely off his rocker. Normal people are just too boring. Either way, there are more fish in the sea and I have met my share of them.

My Suitors in the Past Week
-some guy I don't remember except that he asked me out
-a brazilian DJ who told me he was gay and was joking but I believed him and when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said "Of course!" and held hands with him and everything and then mentioned something about him being gay and he was like NOOOO I am NOT GAY I was JOKING. Oh. Ouch. He told me that if I didn't want to date him anymore, he would understand. "Will you still call me sometime?" Oh gosh. What a blunder.
-a 60 year old cab driver named Edivaldo. I wish I was joking.

Well I think that sums it about up!

Conception of Beauty

I think it is very strange how Americans always talk about how beautiful Brazilian girls are. Don't get me wrong, there are some extremely gorgeous women here, but Americans' idea of beauty and Brazilians' idea of beauty are very very different.

In America, we idolize the breasts. Women get breast implants and we are all about that. In Brazil, it is all about the ass. Some women even get butt implants. Here no one cares about having big boobs, in fact many men don't like it, (Renata's grandpa wants her grandma to get a breast reduction!) but any man will check out a girl with a nice bunda. If you drew a stick figure of women that men like from both countries, the US would have a stick with big boobs, and Brazil would have a stick with a big butt.

For example, just google image "mulher melancia" or click on that link to get a taste of what I am talking about.
http://djtreats.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/mulher-melancia21.jpg
That is what a Brazilian man finds sexy in a woman. Oh, and mulher melancia means watermelon woman, and I think you can guess why.

Also, Brazilians value women who work out. By this, I mean women who have very visible ab muscles, arm muscles, etc. It is very strange, at least to me. Brazilian men also like their women curvier than American men do. Brazilians do not like the anorexic look, and I saw a billboard for swimsuits that had a very pretty girl with a normal body on it. That would never happen in the states. Renata (my Brazilian friend) has an uncle that prefers his women with a pooch; a flat stomach is not sexy to him.

So next time you think of Brazil, get it right- think of curvy women with huge asses (or just perfect looking butts, how do they all manage to do it?) and small boobs.

Another Apology

I have been out of town and without internet, so I havent updated, and I have tests so it will be a few more days, okay?

A Third World Apartment

Today as I helped Edgar and Victor clean the apartment, I realized that I truly do live in a developing country. Then again... maybe it's just this apartment that is 3rd world.
Here in this apartment, I don’t have many of the things that I have taken for granted my entire life. We are without a washer or a dryer and if you want to wash your clothes, you either do it by hand and dry it on a line in the house or pay a lot of money to go to a Laundromat (Laundromats here are not cheap, so everyone in the household washes their clothes by hand- who does that these days?) We steal someone else’s internet and 65% of the time it doesn’t work. We don’t have heating or air conditioning. Dish washers? What are those? I almost forgot to mention them because I have been living without one for so long. Oh, I wish I was joking. We also don't have clean water, so we have to buy our own water bottles every day to stay alive. There are no screens on the windows here (I don’t think I have seen a single one since I came to this country). Our chairs are made of wood from the 1950’s (most of them are broken) and the beds here are broken. I don’t even have a bed. I don’t know what I sleep on, but it is somewhat comfy, so it’s okay. We are without a microwave as well, and sometimes the stove randomly breaks. We don’t even have a mop- we tie a creepy looking rag to the broom to clean the floors.
And yet I am happy here. I am happy washing my jeans in the shower and cleaning all of my dishes by hand. I am happy waiting days for my clothes to dry. I am happy cleaning the floor with a really nasty rag tied to a broom. I am happy without heating or air conditioning or a bed. I am happy to be sharing a small apartment with 5 other people (not counting the random guests who come and go and spend the night). I am happy to be living in a corner of a room which I share with two men who sleep in the same bed.
I am so, so incredibly happy here in this crappy, broken, drama filled Brazilian apartment. The happiest I have ever, ever been.